May God Forgive Me.

We all woke up to another tragedy.

And yet, I was privileged enough to breeze past the headline thinking it could wait until I got to work. #DaunteWright

How horrific. How mundane it has become to see systems so intrinsically motivated by and steeped in prejudice, racism, sexism, homophobia, etc. that yes, another hate crime is just another Monday’s headline.

How traumatizing for black bodies everywhere to see their lives trivialized — yet again made into either “worthy of the benefit of the doubt” or “not worthy of the benefit of the doubt”…aka worthy of a terminal blow.

All the while, I was talking to a dear friend of mine who also exists in the faith/church-adjacent/ministry world. And we were talking about our privilege to not be fully vocal about our advocacy. Our ability and freedom to maintain civility with those who benefit from these power systems at play, while also holding personal views that we have the liberty to disclose or not disclose. What would it cost us if we were loudly supportive of these people groups? It could cost us our jobs. Our livelihood. Our family’s security. Most altruistically, it could cost our positions of influence in the church-world, meaning our voices could not be advocates for change at all.

But…what is it costing them (read: people groups most often victimized by systems of abuse at play — including the church) for us to be silent?

It’s costing them their lives.

Our ability to contemplate their worthiness of life, of love, of acceptance, of their God-given dignity (no matter their behavior)….it’s costing them their lives.

Their lives are being taken from them. Either by the systems of power at play that we refuse to call to the carpet for fear of upsetting the wrong person. Or they are taken by themselves when they reach the end of their rope of fear and loneliness, wondering if anyone can truly love with without conditions after all.

I will not be silent anymore. Because the cost I will pay is far too minuscule to compare to the lives that are paying for silence like mine everyday.

And for the bleeding hearts of my black brothers & sisters, I am so sorry you have awoken to another tragedy, that tears are hard to come by when this is the heaviness you carry each day. Black Lives Matter. Today and everyday.

Please know —

if you are black, trans, immigrant, queer, Muslim, AAPI, non-binary, ______________,

I am for you. I love you.

I believe God is for you & loves you.

I will advocate for you in my spaces of privilege where I still have anyone’s ear.

I will vote for you.

I will mourn with you when others don’t get it.

I will stand in front of you when people are hurling insults or more physical forms of hate.

Because I’d rather love too many people than not enough. So let that be my legacy. Let me lose something for it.

And may God forgive me if I get it wrong.